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My god-brother sent this old picture to me. It brings back so many memories. I was immediately reminded of what I was going through during this time. Though you see a silly smile…there was so much more going on behind it.

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It was my senior year of high school just before my 18th birthday. I had just gotten total knee reconstruction surgery after suffering from a basketball injury. Because of the severity of the injury I was forced to sit out my entire senior year which is the most important year when trying to be recruited for an athletic scholarship.

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At first, I had many letters of interest coming in from some of the best colleges but after the injury and announcement of a planned surgery, the letters started to dwindle. My dreams felt shattered and my heart was left broken.

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Many of the friends I had were moving on with their lives and I was stuck learning how to walk again. I was alone. Not because I didn’t have a support system around me but because I didn’t want to open up to my family about my fear and other emotions. I didn’t know how to deal with what I was feeling. My only response was to be in solitude by choice.

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Being alone in my feelings led to depression and some very dangerous thoughts about giving up on life. I even attempted to kill myself. I only wish I could’ve have told my 18 year old self that God is with you. You are not alone.

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Fast forward many years later, I went through another dark time. Depression was creeping up on me. It was a season of loneliness and loss. The feeling of being unfit to be where I knew God had called me to be. I was gradually losing sight of God’s promises.

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I now thank God that I was where I needed to be spiritually to realize that being lonely was good for me. It challenged to trust in the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. It encouraged me to give up trying to control the things I could not control. It encouraged me to examine my own insecurities, flaws, motives and over all my 💔 heart.

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I recently spoke about the #3 and how it signifies divine wholeness. In that message I shared with many people my testimony of finally allowing God to mend my heart. My heart was made whole at the age of 33.

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For anyone in a similar situation I encourage you to ignore the lies of the enemy. Diligently seek God in prayer, His Word, pure worship and Godly counsel. His Word says that if we seek Him wholeheartedly, He will find us (Jeremiah 29:13-NLT) and that He is doing a good work in you (Phillipians 1:6). There’s so much more that He wants to reveal to you in your season of solitariness. Stay rooted in His Word, Hopeful in His promises, and open to receive His love and direction.

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I dedicate this post to a young teenage girl in my town, who tragically took her own life on Friday afternoon, April 5th. If you can find it in your heart to contribute to a fund created to help the family during this time, please do so by clicking the link below.

https://www.paypal.me/BestofPT

https://thevillagefreepress.org/2019/04/06/maywood-teen-proviso-east-student-dies-by-suicide/

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If you or a loved one is contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, 24/7 service that can offer support for suicidal individuals or those around them. You can also utilize the Crisis Text Line. Text 741-741 to immediately connect with a trained crisis counselor.